I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
