Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
