hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
