I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
