I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
