I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
