Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
