I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
