I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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