never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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