I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
