OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It's Friday. Sex?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
