I can text with my tongue
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
