Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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