i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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