lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
