Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
