Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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