why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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