I hate your face
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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