My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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