i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
