Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
