My room smells like vodka and shame
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
