you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
