We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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