I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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