2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
