I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
