do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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