party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
