whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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