He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
