He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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