A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He did a backflip because drugs
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