Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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