I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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