We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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