we're blogging at a bar
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
