Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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