I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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