you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
