just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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