I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
