I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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