it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My vagina just clenched in fear
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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