drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
