At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
