You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
