I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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