yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
