just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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