Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
